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Apr

25

Fourteen Days Later

Fourteen Days Later

Is it really possible to change your life in fourteen days?

Fourteen Days Later was short listed for the Harry Bowling Prize 2008 and received a Highly Commended by the Yeovil Literary Prize 2008. It is a romantic comedy with a unique infusion of British and Turkish Cypriot culture. Written in a similar style to Marian Keyes, it is My Big Fat Greek Wedding meets P.S. I Love You.

When accident-prone Helen Grey finds a thong stuffed into the pocket of her boyfriend’s best work trousers, it’s time for her to move on. His excuse that he needed to dust the photocopier and just thought that it was a rag sounds like a lame excuse.

Helen’s life is propelled in an unexpected direction after her best friend, Ayshe, sets her a fourteen-day, life-changing challenge. Helen receives a task everyday which she must complete without question. The tasks are designed to build her confidence and boost her self-esteem but all they seem to do is push her closer to Ayshe’s brother, Kalem.

How will Kalem and Helen get together when she’s too foolish to realize that she loves him? How can he fall for her when he is too busy falling prey to her mishaps and too in love with his own perfect girlfriend? How will Kalem’s Turkish Cypriot family react when they find out?

Is it really possible to change your life in fourteen days?

“A very good read.” “Very enjoyable and fresh.” TRISHA ASHLEY

Apr

13

Boomerang

Boomerang

I would like to introduce Boomerang, my comic novel of international intrigue. Boomerang has a host of memorable character and the action takes the reader from Australia to San Francisco to Washington D.C., and Martha’s Vineyard, but it all ends up in my backyard of The Valley of the Sun in Arizona.

The eventual and quite inadvertent heroes of Boomerang are two down on their luck jazz musicians, Ted Hogwood and Jerry Kwiatkowski. They find themselves involved, not for the first time, with a mysterious goverment intelligence agency known as the AABC. Ted would just as soon tell them to go to hell, but he needs the reward money to rescue Sarah, his beloved jazz guitar, from Topp Dollar Pawn. Jerry always needs money. Soon they find they are in a race with an albino assassin, a couple of out of work Australian women of a certain age, the Director of Central Intelligence and a clothing optional ex-onion festival queen to retrieve a boomerang containing a secret that should have died with former FBI Director J.Edgar Hoover.

Boomerang is available in non-DRM form at Smashwords.com. It is also available in paperback from Amazon, Barnes and Noble or in personally autographed form directly from me at boomerangthenovel.blogspot.com.

Best,
Alan

Very funny! A madcap adventure along the likes of Carl Hiaasen or Tim Dorsey. The characters have depth and the plot was intricate and fun to watch come together at the end. I can recommend it without reservation.

– Edward Brownstein, Smashwords.com

$4.99 or $2.49 with coupon YW35H ’til May 30.
312 pages

Apr

12

The Festival on Lyris Five

The Festival on Lyris Five

Former Ten Stars combat pilot Rick Barrett is having a bad day. Not only is he jobless and broke, in a seedy spaceport bar he has just been forced into a winner-takes-all poker game with a homicidal cauliflower.

Salvation is at hand in the shapely form of Irish redhead Julie Halloran, who has an unusual talent of her own. Julie has a proposition for Rick that could end his financial worries at a stroke, though it might also end up getting him killed. But is Julie keeping a few cards hidden herself?

The Festival on Lyris Five is a fast-moving, hilarious, science-fiction novella, where nothing is quite what it seems…

An easy, enjoyable read, full of fun, with a likeable lead role and great alien characters. Superb twist at the end…you’ll love it.

Fiona Taylor

Seemingly drawing from a number of science fiction influences, The Festival On Lyris Five is an immensely enjoyable read. The protagonist Richard Barrett puts me very much in mind of Han Solo with possibly a dash of Lister. The characters have depth and the dialogue is quirky. One could almost imagine dining at the Zodiac Castle then stopping off at the Martian Arms for a Nortons Mindwarp or too. With its intriguing settings and seamless plot, The Festival On Lyris Five is a charming novella worthy of a sequel. Of special note is the surprising (but credible) twist in the tale which, of course, you will have to read for yourself.

Kate Boardman – Coffee With Kate’s Blog

The Festival on Lyris Five is provided to buyers in all popular e-book formats, including Epub and .mobi (for the Amazon Kindle). A printed version is also available from Lulu.com, with extra illustrations by cover artist Louise Tolentino.

You can also follow Nick Daws on Twitter or visit his freelance writing blog.

Apr

10

Is This Heaven?

Is This Heaven?

Michaela Stevens has just died but, she wonders, can a gay lady get to heaven and if so, should it be like this? The heavenly choir isn’t the way she imagined and the allocation of instruments to the heavenly host is… well… is that right? Mmm… very possibly no.  And, thinking about it, is there really a place in heaven for that many baked beans?  Not for Micheala.

Is This Heaven? is a short story of about 4,500 words… there’s no adult content but a little light swearing so I’d rate it at a PG. Writing style: British humour written in British English.

This is my toe in the water, my first venture into e-publishing.  I’d be intrigued to know what you think so feel free to comment here… I intend to publish more e-shorts, probably one quarterly, and I may also publish an e-novel.

If you enjoy Is This Heaven? and would like to be kept up to date about any future writing I publish on-line, please leave me your e-mail address and I will add you to my mailing list – don’t worry, it’s very sporadic.  Alternatively, you can find me online at these places:

Author Website

Mar

1

The Graduate Student

The Graduate Student

When anthropology graduate student Blackwell James returns from the Amazon jungle with a trunk full of hallucinogenic vines, but no research notes, his life suddenly becomes a wild, high-octane tale of adventure, suspense and intrigue.

In an attempt to help Blackwell finish his elusive Ph.D., his professor and mentor secures a job for him in Los Angeles, a place he has never been, to work on a primate experiment – something he knows nothing about. And walking unarmed into the world of Hollywood proves to be even more dangerous for Blackwell than the Amazon.

Caught up in the secret ambitions of his employers, Blackwell James’ trip through a surreal world of movies and movie stars, murder, money, a secret society, a ghost town, two large chimpanzees and several shamanistic drug-induced journeys makes THE GRADUATE STUDENT a riveting ride.

The New York Times calls Polster’s writing “Outlandish adventure”, NPR calls it “Outrageously funny”, and the San Francisco Review of Books placed him on “the cutting edge of talented, West Coast writers.”

“Polster’s deadpan wit makes the twists and turns of his clever books a joy to read.”
- Matt Groening, Creator, Executive Producer, The Simpsons

“Polster writes with the understated precision and controlled chaos of a Jason Bourne car chase.”
- Paul Sandberg, Producer of the Bourne Supremacy and Bourne Ultimatum

“One of the best books ever written about Hollywood, and it’s not even about Hollywood.”
- Gary Goldman, Executive Producer of The Minority Report and Writer of Total Recall

“I’ve loved Polster’s writing since I first read BROWN. THE GRADUATE STUDENT is fantastically entertaining and its view on Hollywood is hilarious, dead on, and clearly written by someone who’s been there.”
- Cary Brokaw, Executive Producer, THE PLAYER

“Bold, hilarious, essentially unclassifiable…Polster fits somewhere between Hiaasen and Vonnegut.”
- Publishers Weekly (BROWN) starred review- One of the Best Books of the Year

“Careening with Hunter Thompsonesque panache…Polster practices the humorist’s craft with a bold, sure hand that recalls Mark Twain.”
- Kirkus Reviews (BROWN)

“BROWN among the most acclaimed books of 1995-6.”
Winner – The Critics’ Choice Award

Jan

16

Honest, the Martian Ate Your Dog

Honest, the Martian Ate Your Dog

A man on the run from his wife’s wrath after selling her dog. A dozen crash-landed bounty hunter clones. An alien on the tracks of the man who scammed him. An intergalactic detective looking for a mysterious artefact. Above all, a world which is familiar but yet is slightly off – legalized bribery, cities run by gangsters, mysterious sects which believe in the power of jokes. This is the story of Normal Kint and Johnny Goolbhai the android, who are determined to get to Kabul City despite highwaymen, scheming opponents and the occasional cop on the take.

Dec

14

Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Sorceress

Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Sorceress

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Eaglethorpe Buxton, famed world traveler and story-teller. Of course you have heard of me, for my tales of the great heroes and their adventures have been repeated far and wide across the land.

Eaglethorpe Buxton, famed adventurer and story-teller is back, this time to put on a play about a sorceress. When the sorceress, subject of his play arrives with fire in her eyes, Eaglethorpe must pretend to be his good friend Ellwood. Will he pull off this charade and survive? And what happens when the real Ellwood shows up? One can never tell, especially when Eaglethorpe tells the story.

Praise for Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Elven Princess:

Haven’t read it. Won’t read it. End of Story. And I don’t think anyone else should read it.
- Dextius Winterborn, Story-teller’s Guild.

People aren’t really reading that? Are they?.
- Sir Roderick Bairn, Adventurer

You can’t believe a damn word that boy says. He was born to hang, I tell ya.
- Margram Buxton, Father

What is it exactly? Is it some kind of story book? No. No, I don’t want any.
-Queen Elleena I of Aerithraine

Join Eaglethorpe Buxton as he adventures across a magical world to in his quest for self-aggrandizement.

Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Sorceress is a short book by Wesley Allison, author of His Robot Girlfriend, and Princess of Amathar. Available now as a free ebook.

Dec

12

Cassingle: Five Stories

Five Stories

A follow-up to 2006′s Single, Cassingle is a new collection of stories by Jim Hanas that originally appeared, individually, in Fence, McSweeney’s, Bridge: Stories & Ideas, and Twelve Stories.

Toronto’s Eye Weekly recently wrote of Cassingle, “No matter the cut, this is writing that speaks American, in all its complexity.”

Dec

10

Thoughtcrime Experiments: Nine Stories

Thoughtcrime Experiments

Free anthology of quality sci-fi & fantasy
Detective thrillers, political satire, family drama, fables, fable deconstructions, the mysteries of debugging: there’s something in this anthology for every fan. Contains nine original stories and five original artworks.
We found awesome fiction, bought it, and released it online under a Creative Commons license. We learned a lot, so the appendix, “How To Do This And Why,” has submission/rejection statistics, our budget, and some behind-the-scenes musings on process, supply and demand.

Some excerpts from the stories that got us over four stars on GoodReads:

Day-to-day life with a sponge golem was pleasant.
-“Daisy” by Andrew Willett (audio version)

Anyone who’d ever seen the Martian Ambassador would recognize it, the way he wielded it like his staff of office.
I frowned at Seeth. “So how does the Ambassador’s staff wind up broken on a street in the Crops, when the Ambassador is dying peacefully in his hotel room?”
“I guess that’s what I need you to find out.”
-“The Ambassador’s Staff” by Sherry D. Ramsey

Sarita kept feeding her, one bite after another. “You were the one who insisted on breast-feeding. Joshua and I would have been fine using formula. They’ve duplicated the ingredients found in breast milk, you know. Perfected it two decades ago.”
“It’s not the same,” Kate insisted. “I can’t prove it, but I’m sure it isn’t.”
-“Jump Space” by Mary Anne Mohanraj

Xanathan Kurtler didn’t die because of greed. Not his own, anyway. It wasn’t greed that made him plant those trees.
-“Goldenseed” by Therese Arkenberg

The technically proficient could breach the best software security systems by deliberately inducing errors in the hardware. Couldn’t the rational induce faith in themselves the same way?
-“Single-Bit Error” by Ken Liu

The crack of leather that followed hurt more than my own whipping.
You might think we’d never be dumb enough to eat Jilly Jallys again.
-“Friar Garden, Mister Samuel, and the Jilly Jally Butter Mints” by Carole Lanham

Those and more, available as HTML, PDF or print-on-demand physical book. Plus mobile editions:

Nov

12

Canadian Meds

Canadian Meds

Canadian Meds is a work of fiction that highlights the world of selling prescription meds over the Internet. The business of Internet drug sales, particularly by companies based in Canada, has exploded over the last several years with the rise of prescription drug prices in the United States. 

The story follows Bill Callahan, a former United States corporate exec who becomes an Internet drug-selling czar at a company he establishes in Edmonton called Tundra RX. The company turns out to be very profitable for Callahan who substitutes fake pills for real ones and the business takes off on the back of aggressive marketing and in-your-face sales tactics. Along the way, Callahan is helped in his fraudulent sales effort by the Chief Medical Officer at the company, Dr. Rakesh Gupta. Gupta has his own demons to contend with, one of which is a nascent pill addiction that he satisfies by sampling the wares in company inventory, while another is his love of Russian prostitutes in Montreal. The company’s business grows exponentially as do customer complaints as the buying public has unwanted and unexpected reactions to the watered-down medicine. The complaints snowball until the whole operation begins to unravel.

Laced with intrigue and colorful characters, Canadian Meds serves as a satirical portrayal of the world of online prescription drug sales. It highlights the production, marketing, and servicing of the discount Canadian pill trade that has grown large over the past several years with little regulation.

$1.99
303 pages

Nov

8

Uncategorized

Uncategorized

Sue Lange again engages the mind as she entertains the senses through Uncategorized (publ: BookViewCafe.com), a collection of randomly genius short stories. Re-defining the aspect of “Theater of the Mind,” this progressive sci-fi author takes advantage of new multi-media tools that technology affords the modern reader. In this, her latest book, the short story meets old-time radio buckled up in a time machine and blasted into the future. In this thought-provoking collection, Lange grabs the reader with an “audio download” and segues into her eclectic set of short stories with the aggressive delivery of a beat poet and the timing of a stand-up comedian. Her Uncategorized readers are certain to be a good crowd, for they will find themselves laughing out loud and at the same time nodding in agreement. You can find Lange at her website.

$1.99
280 pages

Sep

12

Xanta Claus

Xanta Claus

Xanta Claus is a hilariously funny, fresh story guaranteed to brighten your holiday season. David Kringle, Santa’s brother, realizes his destiny is to start his own fairy tale, Xanta Claus, which starts where his brother’s ends. The new fairy tale is an extension of the family business, but is different in every way! David is a slender, handsome man with a quick wit and a certain charisma with the ladies. He is hopeful he will find the one, even after searching for over a thousand years! He believes it can still happen since his brother found Mrs. Claus (Claire) and he is as big as a house! David had found a niche in life as an author writing about the family business with titles such as “Elves Gone Wild”, “One Reindeer You Don’t Want to Pet”, “What Happens at the North Pole Stays at the North Pole” and others. Despite these less than flattering views of the North Pole, Kris and Claire supported David in all his endeavors – that doesn’t mean there isn’t restitution! The Council of Fairy Tales approves the Xanta Claus charter for a one year provisional trial. Immediately the race is on to prove the new South Pole based fairy tale can make a difference in the world. The success of Xanta Claus relies on the edgy elves appointed by the Elf Union, a rookie reindeer team and their strict trainer, an inexperienced head elf, a cantankerous plant foreman and the rest of a colorful, hilarious cast of characters. Their journey is sure to become part of your holiday season for years to come.

$5.00
273 pages

Jul

15

DEAD(ish)

DEAD(ish)

Linda’s had a bad day. First, her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won’t tell her what he did with her body, and she can’t find the stupid thing herself. There’s only one thing she can do – torment the bastard until he coughs up the information.

My name’s Linda. I’m dead. It sucks, OK? Especially because I’m dead for no good reason. I’m dead because my dumbarse boyfriend smacked me one and then something else smacked me one and it hurt like hell and that’s all I remember, to be honest. Until I woke up without a body. Now I know from books and movies that that’s not the way it’s supposed to happen. Well, in a way it is, right. But the ghost is always anchored by their bod, and they can’t move too far away from it. Which implies that they know WHERE THE HELL IT IS. Whereas, me? I don’t know where my body is, and I’m not limited to any location. And for some reason, this is really important to me. I need to find my body. Maybe I need closure, or some shit. I don’t know. I just need to. So I hired Trent. He’ll find my body for me. I hope. If he doesn’t, I’ll fire his arse and haunt him in between haunting my ex-beloved and hiring someone with a clue.

DEAD(ish) is a fast-paced, hilarious tale of death, lies and vengeance. It’s available for free download on Smashwords.

Free
43 pages

Jun

18

Uncubicled

Uncubicled

Joe Tompkins was having a bad day at the office: boring meetings, pointless assignments, and this feeling that he was being watched. When he could take no more, he did what anyone would do. He knocked out his co-worker with a keyboard and escaped. From cube-dwelling author Josh McMains comes a dark comedy that brings conspiracy back to corporate America. Uncubicled follows the drastic series of events that would take one man from his mid-level desk job to an elaborate getaway from the long arm of the law-and perhaps something even more sinister. Along the way, Joe crosses paths with former friends whose destinies have been intertwined from the start. Joe encounters mystery, adventure, and car trouble as he struggles to find out what he was always meant to do and who, exactly, wants him dead. And you thought your job sucked.

It took a chapter or two to familiarize myself with the authors writing style, but after that was accomplished, this book was fantastic. There are many plot twists and turns that keep you intrigued the entire book. This is not meant to be a life changing book, but is perfect for a little time away from everything so you can really be entertained. If you are thinking about purchasing Uncubicled for the Kindle, it is money WELL spent. Kudos to Mr. McMains on a well written book….I am looking forward to the sequel.

By VarangianGuard, Amazon.com

No, “Techno Thriller” isn’t the only category in which you can file Josh McMains’ novel Uncubicled, but it’s fairly accurate. The initial information I first received lead me to believe it would be more focused on the Office Worker life. It’s true that it starts off that way, and, for me, it was the the initial hook that helped me relate to the characters and situations. From there, though, it became a wild ride of plot twists, high-tech espionage, and enough edge-of-your-seat storylines to keep you saying “Ok, one more chapter, THEN I’ll go to sleep.”

For a debut novel, I’ve gotta say that this is one of the best I’ve read in a long time. There is a fantastic balance of dialogue mixed with rich and description from the third-person narrative. On it’s surface, you easily become invested in the characters and there is enough action to keep even the most casual reader interested. Dig deeper, though, and you’ll really uncover some fantastic and complex twists, turns, and cloak and dagger situations.

Did you ever watch the movie The Usual Suspects — and at the end thing “Holy Crap! That’s awesome — now I have to rewind the movie and watch it again!” That’s very much how I felt after reading Uncubicled.

If you’re Dilbert-style Cube Dweller, and you’re hoping that there is something greater going on, you just may be right. Let’s just remain happy that this is a book of fiction…or is it? Let’s hope so.

By Adam Lawson, Amazon.com

 

www.uncubicled.com

$0.99
372 pages

Jun

7

Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Elven Princess

Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Elven Princess

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Eaglethorpe Buxton, famed world traveler and story-teller. Of course you have heard of me, for my tales of the great heroes and their adventures have been repeated far and wide across the land. In truth I am probably better known in any case as an adventurer in my own right than as a teller of the adventures of others. From storied Aerithraine, where I once had the pleasure of spending a fortnight in the company of the Queen, to distant Holland, I have wondered the world being a friend to those in need of a friend, a protector to those in need of a protector, and a guardian to those in need of a guardian.

Eaglethorpe Buxton is a fool and a hack. You couldn’t find a writer of less wit and style.
- Dextius Winterborn, Story-teller’s Guild.

Without a doubt, the biggest liar that ever walked the world.
- Sir Roderick Bairn, Adventurer

That boy will never amount to anything. Mark my words, he was born to hang.
- Margram Buxton, Father

Who? I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of him. Yes. No, I’m sure I haven’t.
-Queen Elleena I of Aerithraine

Join Eaglethorpe Buxton as he adventures across a magical world to help… a poor orphan child? An elven princess? Who can know for sure, when it is Eaglethorpe himself who tells the tale?

Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Elven Princess is a short book by Wesley Allison, author of His Robot Girlfriend, and Princess of Amathar. Available now as a free ebook.

Apr

30

Giggling Into the Pillow

Giggling Into the Pillow

Bring some laughter (the good, non-pointing kind) back into your bedroom and find out why the whole sex thing is even more fun than you thought it was! In these 36 short stories, articles, and guides you’ll visit the world’s most honest singles bar, enjoy Valentine’s For One, see what happens when mountain folk make porn, and find out why it’s vitally important to stop saying that things suck.

A note from the author: if you enjoy stories about humiliation, domination, infidelity, deviant sexual perversions, or mans inhumanity to his genitalia, you are so in the wrong place. “Giggling Into the Pillow” is full of hysterically funny erotica and bizarre essays, and, much like the author himself, is guaranteed to get a laugh in bed.

 

Finally — a book about sex that’s funny on purpose. — Cathy Winks, co-author of The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex

It’s more like what you’d get if Mad magazine was published by a nudist colony headed by Mel Brooks… — Debra Hyde, PursedLips.com